Negative Niall.

Basically I've been called this ever since the store at the back of Hughes and Hughes in the Pavilions opened up because we had a really happy-go-lucky manager and I'd always try to make her see the flaws in her buzz of bliss. I don't know why I did it really. I guess it just comes down to the simple fact that if something's not right, it needs to be corrected. So whatever. I don't think I'm that negative at all in work. Sure, I'll point out if a customer is a dick, and I'm not as braindead as some of the people who "are only making stupid mistakes because they're enjoying themselves", but fuck, I'm not a negative person. I do have the laugh with customers if they're nice, but I'm all about the mutual respect buzz, so if someone isn't lubing me up with the uplifting and gentle auro I deserve, they're not going to enter a world of white clouds and roses with me. Fair enough.

I remember one day in particular that I was in an extremely bad mood, and it was because I was working on my dad's 5th death anniversary. I didn't really want to tell my manager about it and ask for the day off because I thought I could weather it and it kind of pisses me off when people take a day off over stuff like that or go home sick when they're clearly not, so I didn't want to do that. I'm not saying that it's bad to take some time off for grievance, but at this stage in my life it's just another day. It just so happens that the date has some meaning behind it. Basically, on that day I kept quiet for my whole shift only talking when I needed to and nodding or shaking my head if that was feasible. I can't really explain, it was just as if I couldn't have been bothered being there and didn't want to give my full dedication or something. There were a good few idiots in that day and it really made my day a lot worse than it was already going and up until a couple of days ago I can safely say that it was the only "bad" day I've had.

Yesterday got on my tits a bit. Nobody's doing any of the simple things that take 2 seconds to do and generally make things 100 times easier, like rinsing the milk jugs after they're used, or changing the brewed coffee once the timer goes off, or bringing the shot glasses that are too hot to hold into the back so they can be cleaned and cooled so that when the replacement shot glasses get too hot, there's other ones there, or getting more take away cups when it's quiet and it looks like they might run out if there's another busy little burst of customers. Stuff like that. Stuff that annoys me anyway because I have to do it ALL THE TIME, but it's annoying me a shitload more because we're so fucking busy in the run up to Christmas. One of the lads who was looking like he was going to get the supervisor position ahead of me (before nobody got it because of labour cutbacks) is especially destroying my will to live, one tiny bit after another. He has this whole public humiliation buzz that's both failing hard and completely ridiculous. The lad's a bit of a flirt with ANY GIRL THAT HE TALKS TO. Anyone. You could be Rocky from "Mask" and as long as you have a gap between your legs he'll try it on. What he doesn't like is anyone else ever having the buzz with another customer when he isn't. I was chatting away to a couple of middle aged women just because they were pretty sound and bantering away and he just cuts in and goes "It's a shame he's a gayer ladies, isn't it?" and walks off. WTF. I kind of scanned the place to gather myself to see if I was in fact gay, realised I wasn't, and then I noticed one of the women looking at me with the "how the fuck does that guy work here?" eyes, and i met her with the "I hope his house burns down on Christmas day and all of his family is wiped out along with everybody else that shares his blood" eyes. He also does this to everybody, and that's only the tip of the iceberg but sure if I was to go into it I wouldn't have fingertips left. It really does blow that it's so hard to fire people from Starbucks because this moogy should have been out on his ear a long time ago.

So with all this, and the store being busy, I've been a whopper grump. Especially seeing as Christmas is a time for family and "reflecting on your life". My family has been shattered for the past 5 years with repressed grief from myself and my brother caused by way too much grief being put on the table from my mam, and my youngest brother not really being old enough at the time to have understood what was going on, so he's just there, getting caught up in the middle of all of us not getting along with each other. As for reflecting on my life, I'm working a really badly paid job and I've no idea what I want to do in college next year. My boss kind of noticed me being a bit shitty over the past few days, so he decided to give me a week off. That was really nice. Thumbs up. Merry Christmas.

Babyccino Update

I sold/made THREE BABYCCINOS the other day. All in the space of half an hour. It blew my fucking mind. High fives were had. I haven't sold or made one since.

I did a 12 hour shift today...

...and now I feel like dying. I woke up at 6am today to get showered and changed and get to the dart station so I could get to the other dart station so I get my bus to the bus stop outside the Pavilions and go to work. I woke my mam up when I was going downstairs to get breakfast so she decided to give me a lift to Sutton station, which got rid of waiting around for the dart. Thanks mam. I was working in the Hughes and Hughes store from 8 - 12 and I had to do pretty much the whole opening myself because my supervisor was late, so she literally only got in in time to get the tills sorted and run start of day etc. So I did all the important stuff. I felt class.

At 12 I had to go down to Swords Pavilions v2.0 and work until 5, but some new lad (WHO NEVER FUCKING RINSES THE JUGS WHEN HE'S DONE WITH THEM, BY THE WAY) started begging and pissing and moaning at me to cover his shift which was ending at 8pm, because he had to go TO HIS OLD JOBS CHRISTMAS PARTY. WHAT THE FUCK. And I said yes. WHAT THE FUCK. I really am too nice. So i only got a poxy 15 minute break, a half hour one later on, and then only another 15. I def thought I deserved a second half hour break what with how much I busted my nut for them today.

There wasn't that many fresh douches in today, and the minor ones that did come in didn't phase me at all because I was feeling so invincible from my one person opening skillz, and I was tote stoked on working with Rodolfo again, because he's got the best voice ever. He's from Italy, he's 29, and he says all the most nonsensical things in the best way possible, such as:
"Would you like some teabags in your teabags?"
"You want some fruit bread with the butter?"
"We don't have the hot chocolate but we can give you the hot chocolate instead."
"That's what I like about this job you know man..." (And then launch into 5 minutes worth of mumbling and words that don't make any sense together)
"Ah man she's so sexy man!" (When said customer had literally JUST walked away after getting her drink, but still completely in earshot)
"What I like about Italy is that there's no rules man, because when my auntie first went to Naples, she saw a man shit in the street."

Pretty much everything that lad says to me blows my fucking mind.
But I'm as fucking tired as an arse after a healthy dose of the scuts.

BABYCCINO!

Babyccino's are gas. Essentially they're just small cups of steamed milk, but they're not too hot or anything because usually they're given to babies/toddlers. The name though, fuck. HOW GOOD IS THAT?! I was working in Malahide over the weekend and I had the pleasure of working with Big Fago, Chris' older brother. We were having a discussion about how we've pretty much always only been on bar when a babyccino was ordered, and had never been on till for it, so it'd be a super rare occassion to sell a babyccino. Anyway, about 20 minutes after that, Steve was on till and someone ordered a babycinno! Steve just looked at me, grinned a little,and shouted "BABYCCINO!" and then we high-5'd and it was actually the best thing ever. Then it happened again the next day we were working with each other and now it's become a sort of game, I think. I was working in Swords today and Rodolfo sold a babyccino so I had to high-5 him. Savage.

I kissed a regular last night.

Fuck yeah.

I really like washing up these days

It's a really nice getaway from the dickhead customers and just general business (as in it being busy, not a company type business) of the store, and I'm really fast at it so I get to spend loads of time just arsing around in the back. The new stores sanitizer isn't as big or powerful as the one in Malahide that made me hate washing up, so the mugs and plates don't come out that hot anymore which is sweet. I also found this:

A FUCKING DUD MUG!

I don't know how the fuck that actually happened and went unnoticed, but it ruled so I took it home. I also spent pretty much most of my day looking for other mugs like that. None. And if you don't believe me about the logo being backwards, just look at the posters behind it. It's not a mirrored image, someone just fucked up. I've been in a great mood pretty much non stop since I've found it, too! Suck it, customers.

STARBUCKS SWORDS v2.0

Totally forgot to blog about this. This is also a very monumental entry. It will have PICTURES!

Right, so on the 4th of this month we opened a second store. I took a good few photos on my phone because I was like "Hey! This store sure will rule! Guy!" etc. Anyway, it's like 4 times the size of the one I was working in above Hughes & Hughes and it's all new and shit.

Picture time.

NEW COFFEE MACHINES!

As you can see, there's no manual / auto buttons for the steaming wand (the bit that makes the milk hot), there's A FUCKING LEVER!!! You pull it down halfway for manual heating, and all the way for auto. Auto means it stops at 70 degrees celsius so it doesn't burn the tongue off you. It's like I'm flying a fucking plane and it rules. There's also a screen on the machine to tell you how hot the milk / wand is, so we don't have to use the thermometers anymore! WAHEY! And beside the screen we've got a + and - button for extra hot drinks, or not so hot drinks! There's also buttons to pour 1, 2, 3, or 4 shots of esspresso. The 1 and 3 don't work yet but it's still class. Also, the steaming wands don't have to be cleaned at night because they're covered in a plastic yoke that stops milk residue scum from building up! They've really thought of it all!

We've also got new coffee bean hoppers. Check it out. It's like a big fucking BOWL! And then there's a small little column in it for decaf, but it's only little because we only sell a little amount of decaf! Brillo!!!! Here we have our decaf buttons and our Halfcaf buttons. Then we have our power, stop, continue, clear, rinse, [something I can't remember], ristretto, and long buttons. We can't use the ristretto or long ones until every Starbucks in Ireland has these machines though! Worst buzz!

NEW SEATS!

So we've got 50s style diner booths and we've also got seats resting against the back of the condiment bar! FUCK!!!

And a shit tonne of couchy ones, too! The floorplan for this is ridiculous, by the way.

FULL SHELVES OF STOCK!


Delish. I haven't seen shelves like that since July or some shit. Class.

BONUS ROUND!

This lad's probly gonna be my supervisor. Fuck my life.

You're having a LOL and wrecking my buzz.

And here's the most metal picture you've ever seen in your life. Mark Anthony Coleman and Conor Miggan. Mig actually broke through that roof. For real.

I'll post my feelings on the new store soon.

Thursday

I was in Fibbers for ThreeEuroThrashMetalThursday a couple of days ago. Thursday to be precise. I ran into Rita, who I'd worked with since the very start of my "career" (LOL) in Starbucks, and we had the buzz. I'm usually out with the fibbers flannel fleet every Thursday and work give me Fridays off which rules a good bit. But anyway, Rita called me out on not hanging around with her anymore ever since I moved to the Swords branch(es. I never updated about the new store. I will very soon.) When I first moved, I used to come back and visit Malahide a good bit, just to have the buzz, but I guess I stopped coming when a fair deal of the staff left, so Rita's pretty much on her own out there with the exception of a few originals, but like I can count 6 full timers that have left there to go to other places, and without sounding harsh, she's left with the duds. It must be the worst buzz ever working with cuntomers from a very upper middle class area such as Malahide, and then having to work with staff who suck that much, too. There is a few decent heads still out there, but there's a good few dicks, and then new people do get on your nerves. No matter how hard you try to not let them annoy you, they do. It blows remembering that you were once the very person that's annoying the tits off you, but that's just how it is. Chris' older brother's back out there now, and he rules, but between the two of them out there, I'd say they're having the worst time in the world. I'll def hang out with Rita over these holidays so she doesn't think I'm a total jerk.

At the moment

I'm 2 days into 9 days of paid holidays. I was chancing my arm when I was booking them because I thought they'd have all been called up, seeing as we can't take them after the 15th of November. But nobody had booked any. But fuck them, I guess.

The toilet bitch

I totally forgot about this one, until the last post just there. About a month ago our toilet went bust. I wasn't in when it happened (I was doing a closing shift and it happened during the morning), but I was working during the busy period of the day and bore the brunt of it something more than most others, as I was on till most of the time. Straight away there was an out of order sign put up and maintenance were called, so we did everything by the book. As everybody knows, the general public are the most ridiculously idiotic people on the face of the planet. People going to the toilet, seeing the sign, turning back, queuing up to order a drink, and then going "Sorry, is the toilet out of order?".........
Yes.
What else can be said? I hadn't discovered the zen powers of just being like "ah yeah" yet, so there was not much I could do but reply with "...Yes." It happened about 5 or 6 times, and by the third time I'd ended up saying "Unfortunately yes, but maintenance have been called and it should be fixed by the end of the day. The nearest toilets in the shopping centre are........." etc. Anyway, some absolute knobber came in and asked me if the toilets were out of order, AFTER SEEING THE OUT OF ORDER SIGN, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW. I went ahead my little piece I'd put together and pretty much half way though me saying the word maintenance, she says "You know that's illegal, right?". Now, there is some legislation of sorts that makes it manditory for all cafés / restaurants / bars etc to have toilets, and we do. It just wasn't working. I'm sure technically we were breaking some sort of pathetic twig of a law, which makes her a pathetic twig of a person for pointing it out, but like what could I say to that?
"You know that's illegal, right?"

1. Actually, you're absolutely right! Here's a phone to call the gaurds. Go mad.
2. Ah sure I'm just about to have my plumbing apprenticeship cert posted out to me in a few minutes. Giz a sec and I'll fix the toilets.
3. No, it's not out of order, that sign is there just so only people who really need to go can use it!
4. IS IT?! LENKA! C'MERE LENKA! Here, this woman reckon's the toilet's out of order. What's going on?

Like I seriously think that this woman thought I could actually respond to that. Or that I was at fault, like I had broken the jax. Or that I could fix it. Or that I'd make sure it was fixed faster because it was against the law. I just looked at her, not knowing what to say, slightly agitated at it all, and I reckon she kind of picked up on it seeing as she didn't buy a drink and just went "forget about it". Meh. i didn't even get to tell her where the closet jax in the centre was. I hope she went home and told her husband that she gave some barista on minimum wage shit over a broken toilet, because most dudes realise that pretty much all women are balls to the wall mental and would have stood up for me in an act of solidarity. He probably would have divorced her as well, to be honest. What a cunt.

Also, the other day...

A member off staff left a clump of bloodied tissue in the staff jax and didn't flush. I think it was a makeshift sanitary towel. WHAT THE FUCK. People need to start getting sound about gross stuff. Fuck.

Ah yeah...

Sometimes in life you've just gotta be like "ah yeah".

Imagine your life being a pie chart. A big circly fucker, divided up into... em... divisions. Slices. Ah, slices because it's a pie. Oh. Anyway, my life has one big fucker of a slice in it nowadays, and it's called "ah yeah". It's def over 50% of the pie, but I think it might even be somewhere between 80 -99%. And 1% for everything else. I've found myself saying "ah yeah" LOADS recently, because it had become such a great method of not letting things get to you in Starbucks. But it can also deal with pretty much any situation you find yourself in, I've noticed. When I'm on thil and people say "Hi, can I've a tall latte to go?" - "Ah yeah". When someone asks me something about the food which I don't know about (which happens really rarely because I'm class at my job and I know pretty much everything) - "Ah yeah". But yeah, dealing with shitty customers has become a lot more fun now, what with the AYF (The Ah Yeah Factor). Some slut came up to the till the other day and ordered a medium skinnyccino. I FUCKING HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY SKINNYCCINO. It's a non fat cappuccino, it's not that hard to say, and you don't sound like a johnnyer when you say it. Unless you ask for a non fat hot chocolate or some shit. But yeah, I was on bar so I made the drink. Said my "Now miss, grande non fat cappuccino, enjoy" bit and she was like "Eh, I asked for a medium skinnyccino..." like I was a fucking moron for getting her drink wrong. For people not following, I made it right, I just called it like it should be called. Like the way it says on the menu. The correct way. So I go "Yeah, grande non fat cappuccino, there you are" and she was like "But I ASKED for a skinnyccino...". Absolutely shocked at this stage, I am. I've said non fat twice to her, and she still doesn't get it. So I just go "Ah yeah" and make the next drink. I noticed that she was looking at me for like a good ten seconds before it all sank in, and then left. Sometimes in life you've just gotta be like "ah yeah".

Wow

blogging about working in starbucks can really take it out of you!

I'm off to bed.

1/10/08

If there's a date in the title it means that I couldn't think of a title and published this post as soon as I finished it.

So I was working an early shift today. 8 - 4. I have to be out of bed by 6 for me to stand any chance of actually making it into work on time. My brother recently broke his phone so took the one I use for my alarms for his own personal use. I woke up today at 7.15. I literally got out of bed, got dressed, and walked into Raheny village to get a taxi to work. It cost me €2o. I was feeling really shitty all morning. I didn't have time to shower or shave or even brush my teeth and I felt fucking filthy. I'm pretty sure I looked it, too. There was nobody doing a mid shift to cover us for breaks, so I only got my lunch at 1.30pm when the people on close came in. It was the best break ever. I got the last meat free panini and I made myself a savage Raspberry and Blackcurrant frap with passion iced tea instead of zen. Ask for it next time, it's class. Actually, it probably won't be, because 99.999999% of starbucks employees are TERRIBLE at making fraps. So much so that I've actually had someone add me and message me on a site called myspace.com (I'm not sure if you've heard of it or not), and tell me that I'm savage at making fraps. Actually, hang on and I'mm quote it.

you make a killer caramel frap.
good job!!

So there we have it. Fuck everyone else.
Anyway, I strayed off. This entry was meant to be about what happened after work. I know it kind of fucks with standard protocol or whatever, but I'll do what I want. So after 4 o'clock rolled around, I went for my bus. Usually I get a 102 bus sometimes I'll go a bit mad and just decide to get whichever one comes first. So today I got a 43 with the intention of getting off in Fairview and waiting for either a 31/B, 32/A/B, or a 29A to Raheny. Grand. And it was. I was listening to Nerdlinger (who are the best to ever come out of Ireland ever since the James Joyces'), and was havin' a bash through a book I'm reading called Shantaram. I'm sitting down the back of the bus on the lower saloon (It rules because you can rest your feet on the seat infront of you just like on the Dart). Literally 2 stops later this girl gets on. She's fairly good looking, blonde, and has a pink school bag with her. Don't fucking judge me. Loads of people carry schoolbags. I do. Anyway, a minute or two later I look up to snatch a glance and I see this shine on her face and I'm like "Woah, this girl's got really good skin, and here I am perving on her like some horrible junkie with greasy hair, an unshaved face that's not really stubble but more like a facial knackertash, unbrushed teeth, and bloodshot eyes from a lack of sleep followed by working an eight hour shift. I must have been a right fucking mess. I looked away because I knew that if she caught me looking at her, there'd be no chance of getting away with just giving her the nod. I peeked again. On closer inspection, it was a fucking tear. She didn't have amazingly radiant skin, she was just crying.

But it was really weird crying. It was like tears of ultimate defeat or something. Like something had grinded her down that she didn't even show any real emotions. They were just tears running down her face, and she wasn't responding to them just as much as she wasn't fighting them away. It was like she'd been fucked by whatever it was that was upsetting her enough, that she just couldn't feel anything more. It was really shit having to watch it. It was like each tear that ran down her face symbolised a victory to whatever was making her like this, and it was also like she knew it. She knew it and she just didn't have anything left in her to care about it anymore. It was fucked. Every now and again she'd wipe the tears off her face with the sleeve of her jumper, but it was just because they were becoming physically uncomfortable, not that she didn't want anyone to see. She didn't seem like she is in any state to care what anyone else thought. And then my mind went into a logical overdrive of sorts, where I was trying to find reason in all of this. I didn't know this girl, so how the fuck could I possibly guess what had made her like this? But I was trying to think of something anyway. Nothing I could think of matched up. Bullying, a break up, death, bad stuff at home, etc. There's all certain emotions attached to those that can be read fairly easily once you've either experienced them or have seen someone experiencing them. She just seemed really empty and it sucked to see. She took a key out of her pocket and looked at it, and then put it back in. I wasn't sure if she was looking at the key because it might be that she was going somewhere to make her feel better, or if she was looking at it because she didn't want to be behind the door the key unlocked. Who knows. Who cares? Should I have? Probably not, it was just some girl crying. But I'd never seen anyone cry like that and it fucking made some sort of impact on me. I want to know everything about this person, and I want to know if she's alright about whatever, and I want to know what she was feeling. And normally I wouldn't care about this at all because I'm a self involved prick who just looks out for number one, but it was something I didn't understand. And I need to understand everything, because I'm self involved. I need to know everything. I need to know why she was clutching that pink bag so tight before she got off.

Fashionable rip off t-shirts

can suck the fuck. I sort of made a tit of myself the other day because of one of these. This pretty good looking girl from one of the shops in the centre came in wearing a Minor Threat rip off t-shirt, say Major instead of Minor. Now, these could be pretty popular in Topshop or whatever but I'm pretty oblivious to fashion trends as I spend most of my days either working or thinking up elaborate plans to get girls to think that it would be a good idea to go out with me or whatever. Anyway, and I'd been listening to Minor Threat on the bus out to work that day so I was stoked to see someone with that t-shirt. It was better that it was someone of the opposite sex because I started planning our wedding, and it was even better that she was pretty attractive because then nobody could slag me for marrying a minger on my wedding day. So it was the best buzz ever. And then it did a horrible 180 as soon as I commented on her t-shirt. Not even one of the cool 180s like in the Tony Hawks games where you get a pop shove-it / melon combo and rack up a nice score for doing nothing, more like a 180 on a motorway into a lane of oncoming traffic and then getting rammed and suffering whiplash. That sort of 180. The bad buzz 180. So yeah, I asked her if she was into much hardcore, and she just stared at me. Now I know myself that I wasn't refering to porn, but from an outsiders point of view, some dude who works in coffee shop for a horrible wage, who's got bloodshot eyes from having to get up at 5.30am that morning for work, who's talking to a pretty girl with a really decent chest, and who mentions hardcore... Well like, if I had have seen that and not known it was me, I'd think yer man had a boner behind the counter. So anyway, she just kind of looked at me, puzzled, and said "Sorry?", and it left me scrambling words around my mind, trying to get them out in a somewhat articulate manner. That didn't happen. It was more like "Minor Threat?.. Major... T-shirt... Major Threat t-shirt... Hardcore... Minor... Threat... The band? You haven't heard of them? I just... The t-shirt... hvbhbuogybknymjuoyoheuhghhhhghghubunpiyfg.......", onlt to be met by an confused and awkward look. I guess I was so taken aback that she had a Major Threat t-shirt on, and that she didn't even know who the band were, that I couldn't actually bring myself to make sense, because I couldn't make sense of her situation. Anyway I gathered myself and eventually got "I saw your t-shirt and I thought you would have been into hardcore punk, seeing as Minor Threat were a a hardcore band..." out of me, and she was just like "Ah! No, sorry...", but with a sort of apologetic look in her eyes this time. Like what I had said made sense, and that she felt guilty for wearing the t-shirt and looking like a pozur, or that she realised that if she hadn't worn the tee that I wouldn't have so awkwardly tripped over my thoughts and tongue so much. So I was just like "Ah bad buzz... It would've been cool to meet someone who was into the same sort of music and whatnot in here..." and she nodded agreeingly. She said that she'd check them out anyway, so hopefully she becomes the real deal and then I can tell her that I'm in love with her. But yeah, fuck those t-shirts. Seriously. Anyone I see wearing them is fucking dead. And people who think they're safeby covering them up with hoodies or whatever, you're getting it the worst.

Someone left period blood inside the toilets today.

WHAT THE FUCK.

I've been away for a bit

But now I've got some more stuff to complain about. Let's go.

The commute from Raheny to Swords.
This is slowly killing me. Between having to plan every journey an hour and a half ahead, missing darts, the 102 driver leaving before he's meant to (he's meant to wait a few minutes to allow people to get from the other side of the platform at the dart station to the bus until he can leave), the waiting around in the pissing rain, getting torched when it's sunny from wearing all black work clothes, and the journey itself, I'm starting to develop a nervous twitch every time public transport is mentioned. It's like being married to someone you hate and not being able to pull off having an affair. I can't afford a car, and even if I could, these new road laws would have me fucked. I don't care if that doesn't make sense.

New dickheads.
One dude came in one day when I was on the till and just pointed at the pastry case saying "I'll have that to go." Not even a please. As a rule of thumb, whenever someone points at the pastry case asking for something, I'll explain that I can't see what they're pointing at, as there's too many shelves and plates to cover up where their arms are actually pointing to. That's why we have little signs on the plates so customers know what they're called and can ask for them. Simple. So why does some cunt think he can just point and say he wants it? Without even being nice about it? Because he's a cunt. It usually never annoys me when people do it because more often than not, they just don't know. But this dude was a jerk. So I said straight off "Sir, I can't see what you're pointing at" without even looking at the pastry case to see if I could. And then he got even more pissy and agitated that I didn't even make the effort. But I didn't make the effort because he's a cunt. Anyway he goes "Well, it's a very berry swirl, if that helps you out at all" in a real condescending tone, so I took it out of the pastry case with my hands instead of the metal tongs and mauled it as I put it in his take away bag. Victory.
Another bitch came in complaining about us not having newspapers. I told her it was because we haven't had any shops come in to us offering them for free, and it's not worth buying our own when we don't know how many people would read them. She told me that "that's very shite". I said ok. But sure it'd probably just be cheap bitches like her that aren't willing to buy newspapers themselves that would read them, and I'm def not up the idea of having them spend more time than they need to in my shop. Eff that.
A good few people have complained about us not selling coke or any of those fizzy drinks. Most of them need to lay off them anyway, the fat pricks.
This lad came in with a bit of a whopper bird and lost his nut over us not being able to serve him some frappucino. Like proper shouted "Fuck sake!". I just looked at him and said "yeah, cool" while his bird tore him a bit of new one for losing the rag over a drink. Victory.

Oh, and also
I spent €30 on a taxi to work the other day because the floods fucked the dart service up and it was the only way I could get out. They didn't pay me back. Cunts.

More soon.

I've decided to eat my words.

Swords is fucking awesome. It's all new and shiny and clean, and there's no gritty scum on the milk steaming rods and our grande ice scooper still has a handle and our bins always get collected (suck on that, Malahide), and overall it's just a nice place. The only bad thing about it is the 40+ minute commute, but there's always something new on my iPod for me to listen to, and if there isn't, there's always something awesome so it's all good. The buses can be a bit infrequent and I've found myself crossing the road after a while and hopping on a bus to town instead of just waiting for the 102 and getting a dart to Raheny from either Malahide or Sutton. The town buses are mistakes which I shall hopefully not be making anymore. It seems like they go through everywhere from my childhood just for the buzz and to make me feel shit about not being able to go to play areas without parents looking at me and thinking I'm weird. On one bus I got, I passed by this place that used to be called Giraffes that I'd go to like once a month when I was mad young. It was fucking class with a really dodgy rope bridge and some really overpolished slides that could knock you out if you couldn't control your landings. They also did whopper slush puppies that never got to the stage of dry ice with no flavour, they just stayed wet and syrupy. AND, I also went by the Omniplex on some other bus for the first time in about 14 years, which also had a badass junglegym, but with a more secure rope bridge, a freefall that never seemed to be open, and knackers that would start wars with you and your friends using those coloured plastic balls. Their slush puppies were terrible and their party area paled in comparison to Giraffes, but it was always fun to lamp some nuggets at those knacker kids.

Anyway I'm not getting any other bus apart from the 102 because if I see either of those places again I'm going to get really bummed out about the fact that there's no places like that for young adults to rediscover the young child in us. Also, those town bound buses seem to take forever, so it's just not worth it.

So back to Swords. We opened last Thursday after like a week of it being pushed back "just one more day" because Hughes and Hughes weren't ready to open (we're upstairs in their downstairs megabookstore, but not on the 2nd floor, if that makes sense), but it was kind of lucky for us, seeing as we missed out on a whole pallet of stuff for our new store opening delivery. We still haven't got a mop bucket. At the moment we're using the mop wringer and putting it onto the side of a rectangular basin we like to call a bussing tray, even though it's not a tray, it's a basin. It looks ridiulous and only gets the job half done, but it's better than nothing, and the floors need to be mopped. We already have a few regulars and one of them is this mid twenties, non-conventionally good looking babe who works in one of the shops in the centre. Watch this space because if she doesn't find out that I'm only 19 and if I can convince her that I'm like 23 I'll be starting a blog about my new relationship. I'll get around to making separate entries about the few jerks that have been in already soon enough, too (Just in case you were only reading it for that part, it's not here. Sorry).

We have so much space in the back. In Malahide it's just a little corridor with no space, as all the stock is takingit all up, but in Swords we literally have as much space as a PE hall would, if it were catering for hippos, but that's still reallllllly impressive (I would have said generously spacious room, but that doesn't make it sound as appealing). So much so, that I even took photos on my phone so that I could show them to everyone in Malahide and get them jealous.

More about Swords when it's not 5 minutes to 3 in the morning and when I have work at noon tomorrow.

The end of an era.

So yesterday I worked my last shift in Malahide. It was horrible. It was really busy and really packed behind the bar because Mike was showing 2 n00bz how to make the Frappucinos. It was really annoying that he only seemed to think it was appropriate to show them how to do stuff when we'd get busy in the shop. It was his last day too. I think people cared more about me, probably because I've made it known that I don't want to go to Swords and that I'd rather be there. He was just flat out leaving, while I was being pushed away into an unfamiliar territory. Just as I'd been getting to know the customers well enough to know who's sound and who's a prick (i.e. who deserves to have their drink made properly, and who deserves to have me pick my nose and rub my index finger on the inside of the mug before I make their drink). Although I've only really posted about the things and people that I didn't like, there have been an awful lot of really nice people that come in and make you get through your day a little bit easier. I guess they've finally got the minimal mention that they deserve.
It's really shit that I won't be working with Chris or Rita anymore. Mainly Rita, because she was like that dude in prison films that shows the protagonist how to survive and shit, if that makes sense. Except instead of keeping me from getting killed, she just showed me a whole load of shortcuts, which gets a thumbs up. With Chris, sure I'll see him all the time anyway so it's not that bad, but it's going to be hard to find someone like Rita in Swords because you don'treally want to risk asking someone how strong their work ethic is, because if it's really strong they'll just tll on you and you could get fired. Fuck that noise. I want to stay in Malahide.
Some jerk came up yesterday complaining about his cappucino being too foamy. It's a shot of expresso and foamy milk. It's a cappucino. People are idiots. We also made about 20 drinks that just didn't get collected at the end of the bar. How the fuck does that happen? "Yo, I'll spend a fiver on a coffee and then just not drink it. In fact, I just won't even acknowledge its existence." WTF.
After my shift, I headed off to the pub with Chris, who was also closing with me. We met up with Rita and then her friend and her friend's boyfriend showed up. THE DUDE TURNED OUT TO BE THIS GUY WHO USED TO BE A FEW YEARS ABOVE US IN SCHOOL. IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. Chris bitched out of the buzz and left, but gave me his pint on the way out, which ruled, and then we stayed having the craic for a while until we went to one of Rita's friend's house. I gave her the key to the locker we shared and it got all Armageddonesque emotional. I probably should have done something of a greater gesture than just give her the nod. I'm going to fucking hate Swords. .

Working on the till...

...is the worst thing ever. Everyone says it's easy and everything but I hate it so much. It's just unnecessarily mixed around (You have to go into all these ridiculous subsections to find what you're looking to charge for etc), and the fact that I've consistently been on the crap till with the dodgy touchscreen isn't much help either. I've made a few mistakes because of that alone, but they were all corrected so it's grand. It's not that it's hard, it's just shit and annoying. And you can literally be looking for soemthing for 10 minutes if the customer doesn't tell you exactly what they want (We've got like 400 belgian chocolate products for example). And it just gets fucking boring. "Hi sirrrrr, how are you today?!" / "Helllllo miss! What can I get you?" will start to eat at your soul as soon as you realise that you've been saying it for the last 2 hours straight.

I'm sure anyone who's been working here for over a certain period of time gets to like it, but I just can't find anything good to say about it. I don't want to be taking an order for €20 and be thinking to myself "Holy shit, these people are going to consume in less than 15 minutes, something that would take me over 2 hours of work just to afford"... That kind of breaks you a little. Thank fuck for the free drinks and 50% off food for employees, because if it was normal prices for us, we'd actually be spending like half of our salaries in Starbucks on our lunch alone. Scary shit.

But yeah, I've just realised that I did make an entry about hating working on the bar a while back, and now I fucking love it. Some lady came in earlier and goes to the girl on the till "How fast can you guys make a hot chocolate for kids?" and I just screamed "MAADDDDDD FASSSSTTTTTTT" and started making it. It was hilarious looking back on it, as I had it pretty much in her hand before she had even gotten the change. Fuck yeah. Hopefully till will improve like that.

The coffee prick...

Okay so first off let me say that I'd have def updated this blog sooner but my band have been doing a lot of work on demos and I've had a good few shifts to boot, resulting in me just being way too tired to post. I've got a nice hefty dose of insomnia now (and then next 2 days off work) so Ican make a few new posts. Yay for me and for you.

Well. The coffee prick was some lad that came in last week with a big fuck off group of people who I can only assume were his family. The whole shebang now, I'm talking oldies, normal people, babies, kids, teenagers etc. About 8 in total I'd say. Firstly, I hate when there's large groups in, because not only does it fuck up our floorplan, but you're also going to get like 8 drinks called to the bar at once, and they're going to expect them to be done quicksmart. That doesn't bother me too much these days as I'm actually quite savage on the bar now and I can mill through the drinks.

But yeah, the coffee prick. The real reason why he's a prick is because he legitimately did not deserve to be alive. Like this dude was properly past it in every sense and he was giving it loads thinking he was the business and just doing my head in from being mad loud. I'd def prefer him to be giving it loads 6 ft under. But yeah, as there was like 8 people in, they took 2 tables and brought them together which is fair enough, and they all pooled their coffee and food onto them. There was a table close by with a whole load of empty drink and half full mugs that I decided to clean up and collect all the shit for washing, and as I took hold of one of the half full cups, some old bitch goes "Andy, he's taking your drink!", at which point I put it down and apologised, explaining that I thought it was okay to be cleaned because it was left on the table with a whole load of empties and mugs like that. And then the fucker goes to me "Doyou have life insurance, pal?". I was like "DO YOU HAVE A COFFIN PICKED OUT YET, YOU FUCKING GRAVE DODGING PRICK?" to myself, but decided it was best not to say that in case it did cause him to have a death. And it'd be pretty bad if he didn't actually have a coffin picked out yet. But seriously, what douchebags leave their coffees on tables that are waiting to be cleanes? Coffee pricks, that's who.

I seriously hope he snuffs it soon.

The coffee bitch.

Who orders a coffee and complains about it being too cold, only to ask for a refund when the coffee is made again but turns out to be too hot? The fucking coffee bitch does. OBVIOUSLY IT'S GOING TO BE MAD HOT IF YOU COMPLAINED ABOUT A PERFECTLY FINE COFFEE BEING TOO COLD. Some people need to get their head in check. I hope she bought a mouse trap with the refund for some reason and then got her fingers caught in it. Fucking dope.

48 HOURS?! NO.

So I just checked the roster to see what days and shifts for next week got changed around, and I find out that I'm put down for a 48 hour week! I'M ONLY CONTRACTED TO WORK 20! I'm going to fucking hit someone. Or just sort it out on Monday. More than likely the latter.

There'll be an entry tomorrow about the fucking mental day we had today, too. Stay tuned.

The hottest fucking day.

Was Saturday just gone. Fucking titting hell. And Radiohead were playing another show that night, so the shop was so packed and so busy. And so hot. I was afraid of slipping because my bollocks were sweating so much. Fuck. Anyway, we didn't have another power outage or anything of equal levels of excitement but we a whole load of other stuff happen which might be worth writing about. I got to stare someone down, and it was fucking class. Like I felt so good about myself knowing that he felt like a tit. I was checking the toilets to see if anyone had shat on the walls or anything like that, and because it was a mad hot day and because we were so packed, the queue for the jax was ridiculously long. Anyway I head to the top of the queue and ask the girl if it's alright if I check the toilets to see if the roll needs to be changed and whatnot, and out of nowhere some fucking mongobiscuist goes "Ah here now, don't let him be skipping you..." and straight away I just look at him. The sort of look that asks the questions "Are you for fucking real?", "Do you not realise that I have a brush in my hand?", and "Would you like to repeat that question so I can ram this brush stick down your japper?" all at the same time. And the dude looked like the sharted himself. It was so good. He just stopped smiling and looked at the ground like someone would do if they were getting grilled on some sort of TV show where the presenter just decides to ruin someones buzz. Fuck yeah.
The toilets didn't need to be cleaned.
Something else that happens when the sun comes out, is that pretty much everyone in Malahide comes out into the sun. I've never witnessed a community more responsive to good weather. It's as if they don't have the internet or something. There was literally 200 people in the field accross from our shop just having the buzz in the sun. Pretty much everyone was having a can. I fucking love cans. That was the worst part for me. Some people would come in and buy coffees and sit outside with them and drink a can with their coffee. Fucking badass. Granted, they were probably alllllllll pretentious dickheads who were heading off to the Radiohead gig, but they were still having cans. And I also know how pretentious it is of me to wiriting about my experiences in a coffee shop from a laptop. Get fucked, everybody. Anyway yeah, there was one ridiculously drunk couple that couldn't really speak but still wanted coffee. I think we just gave them whatever whoever on bar wanted to make, which is grand. Anyway, the girl must have been a total headmelter because the dude just got up and left while she was talking. She followed. Bitch forgot her phone. We had to ring her "Mam" in the contact list and get her to collect it. Even though she looked about 20ish, I hope that drunken slut got grounded by her mam for the inconvenience.
Oh, another thing about summer / hot weather... CLEAVAGE. JESUS HOLY MOLY CRAZY DUDE ON A BIKE AH YA FUCKIN NEARLY KILLED ME TYPE OF CLEAVAGE BUZZ GOING ON IN MALAHIDE. For real. We're meant to make eye contact with these ladies but it's actually pretty hard. I know it sounds like bullshit, but when you're serving drinks to women who are most definitely wearing tops like these so they can be scouted for porno or some shit, it's pretty hard not to have a little peak. And before anyone tries to judge me, EVERYONE FUCKING DOES IT. GIRLS INCLUDED. IF YOU DON'T YOU'RE EITHER BLIND OR LYING. Don't want me looking at your jiblets on the sly? Cover up.
But for real, it'd be so good if it was really hot any everyone came out and had the buzz/cans, and then it started lashing rain. Ooh yeah.

Fuck.

It's 3:30am and I'm in work tomorrow at 2pm. I've spent the last while updating this. I need sleep but I can't stop typing. AGHHHH. It's like blogging OCD or some shit.

Multinats are POWERLESS!

Today we had a blackout. Everywhere in the village was affected by it, so pretty much everywhere closed. People were speculating that it had something to do with the Radiohead concert in Malahide castle. In fairness, it's a very plausible reason, seeing as they're artsy fartsy pricks who go on about keeping the world green, but then decide to use up all the power in Malahide. Cheers, Thom. Anyway, I'd just come back from my half hour break when it happened, and then we got to chill the biscuit for another hour and a bit on top ofthat until the power came back on. We were all mad afraid that the lack of power would bring the fridge temperature down and we'd have to waste all the food, but that didn't happen. Grand. Myself and a girl Rita who works there went outside and just had the buzz browsing through each other's iPods, looking to find any ropey stuff so we could slag each other about. She had some whack shit on it, but I let it slide when I saw that she listened to The Academy Is, 30 Seconds to Mars, and some other stuff, and she tried to slag me over having Jack's Mannequin and Pendulum on mine, which I guess is fair enough. I think she's cool, seeing as I have the most buzz with her because everyone else is really worky worky or just not up for the buzz, resulting in them being worky worky.
A while after the power came back, we opened up again and did the biz, and then a while after that, I went home. I was working 7 til 3, and the time someow flew in. Probably because of the hour and fifty minute break I had. I wish the power would cut out more often, seriously. But Radiohead are playing the next two days here I think, so fingers crossed.

Working on the bar...

...Is probably the scariest thing ever in the whole Zach Wylde world. As I'm only a n00b, I'm pretty much guaranteed to be totally shit and pathetic at it. People need to stop ordering custom drinks. They put me in the deep end a few days ago. An hour on my own at the bar. It was seriously so fucking hard and terrifying. At one point, there was a tailback of about 5 or 6 drinks. With people paying that much for coffee, I imagine they'd want it fast. So I decided I'd let them know what's up and told them that I'm only a trainee and that their drinks would take a bit longer than usual. Most of them didn't mind. I fucked up one or two. They didn't notice. Success. I was really fucking nervous whenever people would be looking at me with eyes of anticipation, but after a while I decided to say "fukkitt" and just took my time doing the drinks to the best of my ability and after a good while I gained a fair bit of confidence and the day started flying in. But people seriously need to stop ordering customs. As I was chatting away with some customer, she asked me if I was new here because she hadn't seen me before and I told her that I was doing my training here and that I'd be going out to Swords as soon as that store opened up. I also told her that I was friends with Chris, but she didn't know who he was, so I described him for her. The skinny dude with dark hair and the questionable (but lovable) facial hair. Then she was like "OHHHHH, the boy with the amaaaazing eyes?!", and I was like "Em, I guess so. I've never really thought about it that much...", and then she proceeded to tell me that one could get lost in my best friend's eyes. Hahaha. That brought my day up loads. She was probably only messing though, as I've know Chris since I was like 14 and I've never thought that his eyes were even slightly enchanting. I don't know. I'm sure he'll he chuffed though. She was decent.

Update:

Starbucks do sell yoghurts. They're probably shit though and only mams will buy them for their kids so they shut the fuck up for a few minutes. Pricks.

Washing up (BAAAAAD NEWS)

Washing plates and mugs is just straight up bad news. I usually have to do it for like one third or one half of the day, so it becomes more than just washing dishes and mugs, it becomes bad news. You get to notice waaaaaaay more bad news about with every time you have to wash them. As a result, there's two things I fucking hate about washing up:

1. THEY GET SO HOT. THE MUGS AND PLATES GET SO FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLY HOT. We put them in a hot wash after they're rinsed off all they ewwie stuff in the sink. It should be called a really fucking hot wash instead of a hot wash. For real. My hands are going to be worn away so quickly from doing this on a daily basis. Fuck. Everyone's probably thinking why can't I just leave the mugs and plates to cool and then bring them out when they're not hot anymore. Well I fucking can't. We always need plates and mugs and if I leave them in the back to cool down we won't have any to use out front. FFS.
2. EVERYONE IS A PRICK. PRETTY MUCH EVERY SINGLE CUSTOMER THAT COMES INTO STARBUCKS IS A TOTAL FUCKING JERKOFF. That is, everyone who orders a drink and drinks it inside, and then puts all their shit into the mugs when they're done. Napkins, yoghurt tubs (I'm not even sure if we sell yoghurts?), suger sachets, broken mixing sticks/plastic spoons/plastic forks/plastic knives, drink lids (just leave it on the drink, yeah?), receipts, etc. EVERYONE WHO DOES THAT IS A SHIT MORON, AND EVERYONE WHO KNOWINGLY DOES THAT IS A HEARTLESS CUNT. We have to pick all that shit out with our fucking fingers and lob it into the bin. Sometimes it sticks to your hand. SO GROSS. Do these people think that they're helping us by putting everything into a compact space that we have to wash after they're done using?! "Hang on, do you want your broken spoon and suger sachet cleaned as well in the reallyfuckinghotwash, yeah? Ok, cool." What jerks.
   

Seriously, these two things are the worst things in the world. I'm going to ring the Oxford English dictionary and ask them if they need a new definition of Bad News.

The Starbucks Experience

So on Saturday, I had a sort of class type thing in the basement of a Starbucks in town from 10am til like 1.30pm. Apparently it was meant to last for 8 hours but the girls who were doing it were sound so they lashed through it and we got to get out of there like millions of hours before we were meant to. We learned some kick ass shit, like that we're allowed to sit down and have the buzz with a customer for as long as we want if it's not that busy. That's so you can form bonds and they'll want to come back or something, but for me it means that I can just text my friends if it's quiet and when they come in I'll still be getting paid for hanging out with them. Speaking of getting paid for doing nothing, I think we got paid for that class. For the full 8 hours. Wahey. We also learned that you can get more of a taste if you can actually smell what you're eating, and we were told to hold our noses and pop a few skittles into our mouths, chew for like 10 seconds, and then let go of our noses. A huge blast of smell and taste came through, and it fucking ruled. I'd seriously advise everyone to do it. Anyway, we got shown a pretty cringeworthy video of how to be a good employee and such. I thought it would be pretty brainwashing, but it was just a video of how to be sound, I guess. Then we got educated on how to deal with assholes. This part fucking kicked the tits because it was all like "you have to stay calm and be nice to the customer" type of stuff, which is usually pretty degrading if you're in the right, but I reckon I'm going to love it, as it'll give the chance to be completely condescending and patronising to people who really deserve it, and I'll also get to write about it. And if that doesn't work, I'll still get to write about it. Wahey.
Since that class, I've been off work. I'm back in on Wednesday. I find it pretty odd that I'm completely indifferent to being off work for 3 days. It's like you have those gits that are like "Ugh, I'm off work for a while, what will I do with myself?" and you have those gits that are like "Oh whoooop! I'm off work for a while, let's go drink an unhealthy amount of bloody marys!", and I'm not really anywhere in any of that. For me, it's like "...Grand". I'd like to say I'm in the middle of those 2 extremities, but that would make me a git who loves both his job and questionable drinks. I don't know.
Back to the experience, I forgot to mention that there were like 9 other people there. A girl from the Malahide store called Magda was there, and a dude called Manuel who used to work in Malahide was also there. He's working in a store in town now. I was hoping to see some people that were being trained in for the Swords branch, but none of them were there. I'm starting to think that I'll be alone in there for a good while until some knackers in the pavillion ask for a job and then get hired. For fucking jaysus sake. But yeah, 9 other people there. Only one other dude from Dublin there. There were people from Spain, Greenland, The Czech Republic, Brazil, China, Mexico, and fucking MAURITIUS! I think myself and the other Irish lad were thinking that we got the raw end of the deal. Even though I burn like toast, it'd still be pretty badass to say you were from Brazil or Mexico or Greenland or whatever. I don't think you can get sunburned in Greenland anyway. Cool. Anyway, most of them were either training or transferring for a new branch in the IFSC. I really wanted to ask one of them if they wanted to trade for a move to Swords, but I wasn't ballsy enough. I rolled a smoke for Manuel and we had the buzz talking about the Fagans and our fondness of them. I've only met him twice (the first time was on my first day in Starbucks), but it's a fair old bad buzz that he's moved because he's a top notch dude. I didn't even know he wasn't working in Malahide anymore until Saturday. Ah.
But overall, I had an experience. I'm not sure if it was the one that they wanted me to have, but I had one anyway. An experience of satisfaction for getting 8 hours pay to watch a video and eat skittles.

The music bitch...

So I think it was my thrid day working when the music bitch came into the shop. She bought some custom drink which I reckon probably gave her a sense of "individuality" or some shit, and then she sat down to have a little read. Starbucks is a the kind of place where you can buy one drink and just chill for like 5 hours if you want. We're not encouraged to get people out of the shop and clear tables for the next customers, we just let people do whatever they want. Within reason, like I'm sure we'd have to say something if some lad began to toss one out in the shop, y'know? But anyway, she's having a little read and the shop's a bit quiet. It's weird how sometimes it's really busy and then other times it's mad chilled out. And it's not even schedualed, it just happens sometimes. Anyway, she's reading and there's not many people there. And we're working away doing whatever we need to do and there's some music on in the background and it's sort of funk / disco type of stuff. It's a playlist Starbucks have anyway. It has that song from the Marmite ad ages ago that everybody knows but knows nothing else about it. And yeah, the music is totally fucking quiet. I mean, if you weren't working there for 3 days with that playlist on repeat all day, you wouldn't even know that there was music being played, let alone know what song it is. Anyway, the music bitch gets up out of her chair and comes over to the bar with a frumpy look on her face. The sort of look a three year old toddler would give to his mam if he didn't get his milkybar yoghurt in this weeks shopping. I fucking want a milkybar yoghurt. Anyway, she comes over to a girl in workcalled Rita, and she's like "Eh, sorry, cold you per chance turn the music down in here? It's as if I'm at a concert..." or something like that. HELLO. NO YOU ARE NOT AT A CONCERT YOU FUCKING DICKJUG. And then she has the cheek to ask Rita "Whatever happened to serenity?". Holy shit. You cannot be fucking SERIOUS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO SERENITY. HANG ON, I'LL RING HIM AND FIND OUT.
For real, people need to shut the fuck up and just drink their coffee.

Malahide > Swords

So I forgot to mention that I'm only doing my training in the Malahide branch (/ franchise?), and then I'm off to the branch (/ franchise? Actually, I don't give a fuck.) in Swords once that opens up. Fair enough, they need staff way more then Malahide, but it's going to take me aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages (when pronouncing, let every "a" last one second.) to get to. Yeah, fucking shit loads of time. Malahide is about 14 minutes from Raheny on the DART, and it takes just over a minute to walk to Starbucks from the station once you get there. The trains are frequent enough, but sometimes you have to get early ones cos there might not be one for ages. So they're actually "sort of frequent" rather than "frequent enough". Anyway, that suits me fine. To get to Swords it's going to take me well over an hour to get there. I'll break it down like this:

1. I could be waiting on a bus / train into town for anything up to 20 minutes.
2. It takes about 15 - 20 minutes to get to town once I get on my bus / train.
3. I could be waiting on a bus to Swords from town for anything up to 20 minutes.
4. It takes about 30 - 35 minutes to get to Swords once I get on my bus.

Yeah, so that's well over an hour. In fact, that's too fucking long for me to actually be on time every day for work. I'm going to have to start doing mathematical equations based on probability, speed & accelloration, and other nerdy fucking shit just so I won't be running the risk of getting fired FROM A JOB THAT'S PAYING ME MINIMUM FUCKING WAGE ANYWAY. FUCKING CHEERS.

And that's just one reason why I don't want to go. Here's some more.

1. Chris works in Malahide. We're bezzies and I've only got to work with him for about 2 hours before he went off to the states. He'll be back soon but sure our time is still numbered before we start hanging out less AGAIN due to work. And we'd be working the same fucking job. Shit on a stick, that's fucking ridiculous.
2. I like these Malahide people. I've formed bonds and shit, probably. The Swords people might be douche bags.
   
3. It's in a shopping centre. There's going to be some amount of jerks that will have just been to Dixons or something and they'll be complaing to us because they spilled a half caf half decaf skinny latte with caramel sauce onto their brand new external hard drive. Yo, check it out: I don't give a fuck that you're a total fucking moron who doesn't know that you should keep liquids away from electronic products. Go buy a proper coffee or eat a dick. I'm new and this store has only opened. You're not regular enough to be ordering customs.
4. Pretty much number 3 except change jerks and morons to knackers and change dixons & electronic products to lifestyle sports & kappa tracksuit bottoms.
5. It's fucking SWORDS.

But I'm just after checking online there on good old dublinbus.ie, and it says that there's a new route called the 102 that goes to Swords from Sutton, which is quite close to where I live. Still though, fuck moving.

Ronan Keating

Ronan Keating from Boyzone came in to Starbucks a few days ago. Apparently he's a regular but I'd only been working there about 2 days so I nearly shat myself. His wife was with him, but there's absolutely nothing going on with her, so we'll just forget that she was even there. It's all about Ro-Ro. Anyway, the table he was about to sit at was a tad dirty so he asked my supervisor if he could get someone to give it a little wipe. Anyway, I get called upon to do it and I stroll out with my bio-sanitizer and a blue j-cloth and clean his table like he actually still deserves the star treatment. I did a mean job. When I was done, he goes "Thanks man, I really appreeshshiate that". I thought it was hilarious, because when I was a kid and when Boyzone were popular, I always thought he used to do that "shshsh"-y sound on purpose as a sort of way of saying that it was his signature style or gimmick or whatever. I used to argue with my friends when I was like 6 or 7 that if he was to say a word like "scissors" in real life, he's pronounce it like "scissors", and not "schishursh", BUT HE FUCKING DOES SAY IT LIKE SCHISHURSH!!!! FUCK!
That was fucking awesome.

I wouldn't like to walk it...

So today we had some duder come in and fix the sink. He was old enough, but not past it, nor would he be considered a "has-been". Anyway, straight away I knew he was from up north, so I asked him which part. He told me that he was from Armagh,and I told him that I used to go out with a girl from there, but she moved to Derry so I'd only been to the house in Armagh a few times before they moved and whatnot. He then asked me where about in Armagh she was form, so I said she was from Portglenone, and then he told me I was mistaking Armagh for Antrim. Silly me. So I was like "Ah well sure I'd only been there a few times, it was an easy mistake, not much of a difference" and he was like "Aye, but sure I wouldn't like to walk it". Probably because they're over 100 miles apart or something like that, which is fair enough, I guess. I went on and did a bit more work and then I came back to the sink because I needed to clean some mugs an' shit, but yer man was still there so I couldn't do it. We started talking bullshit for a while again and then he asked me where I was from. I told him I was from Raheny and he was like "Ah that's a fair old distance just to work in a coffee shop...", and I was like "I dunno, it's only about 10 minutes away on the DART, so it suits me grand..." or whatever, and then he said "Aye, but like I said, I wouldn't like to walk it."

I doubt the lazy fucking prick would want to walk anywhere. Jeez. Then he went off and I got to clean my mugs. Yerrrr.

Correction to that lotto bit...

I just whipped open the calculator on my laptop there and did some permutations (I think that's what they're called anyway. The one with the factorials) and the figure it gave me was 1 in 5864443200. I think that's it. It's like you have a selection of 6 numbers from 1 to 45, so you go 45 x 44 x 43 x 42 x 41 x 40 or something like that. I don't know. Fuck it.

Intro

My name is Sos and I work in Starbucks. I started working properly on Monday, May 26th. I had like this sort of initiation day on Saturday just gone where I got paid to sign forms and drink free coffee. That was the biz. I don't really have any feelings towards Starbucks at all. Like, it's grand. I thought I'd be mad against it, seeing as I'm proper punx and shit, and we're meant to hate multinats and corporations, but I don't give a fuck. Ideally, I'd win the lotto or something and I wouldn't have to work, but one time in Maths class a few years ago, we did permutations (?) to see how much of a chance anyone has of winning it, and it was like 1 in 4.3 million or something like that. I think. But yeah, I have to work. Like everybody else who hasn't won the lotto yet.
So at the moment, I'm being trained in on the bar with making coffees and stuff like that, but for the most part I just mosey around the shop and see if anyone's finished their drinks, and if they are, I take them into the back for cleaning. The back is kind of small and compact, but it gets the job done. I don't like when a hot wash is done and I have to take all the stuff out because the steam gets you really hot and it's just not that nice. I can make that whipped cream stuff that you put into what I call a gun-can. I call it that because it's like a metal can with a trigger-y thing and when you pull the trigger, whipped cream comes out. I also has this little part that you put gas into to make the gun work. I think. The gas makes a badass sound when you put it in and take it out. It rules. I think I can make a latte as well.
We get free coffees all day I think, or maybe just when we're on our break, but that's still pretty sweet. We get half price off all the foods and 30% off all the impulse buys like after-coffee chewing gum. It's grand. We get paid when we're on our breaks too. Oh, and we also get a free bag of coffee to take home with us each week. I think I might get some lightly spiced Arabian coffee as my first bag. I remember Chris said we could to his house to have some, and it never happened and ever since then I've been mad eager to try some, because it sounds awesome. Chris is one of my best friends in the whole world, and he works there too. He's away at the moment so I've been making friends with some of the other people who work there too. They're all cool. Apparently there's one dude that nobody likes but I haven't been working with him yet.
Our uniform is pretty funny. Because it's summer, we have to wear yellow t-shirts. Normally I'd think that's cool because I'd look like someone on the Brazillian football team, but we also have to wear green aprons, which just make us look like those Loop-the-loop ice creams. Oh well. After summer's over, we go back to wearing black t-shirts, which is class. I love wearing black. I'm wearing a black Blakfish t-shirt right now.
Anyway, this blog is so that I can post some of the class shit that happens in this place because it's like the first job I've had where things actually happen. I used to take naps in the store room of my old job because pretty much nothing ever happened. So yeah, there's a few things that have happened so far, but I'm not going to post them in this entry because I'd prefer to do one entry for each actual thing that happens. Peace out.