Saturday, May 31, 2008

The music bitch...

So I think it was my thrid day working when the music bitch came into the shop. She bought some custom drink which I reckon probably gave her a sense of "individuality" or some shit, and then she sat down to have a little read. Starbucks is a the kind of place where you can buy one drink and just chill for like 5 hours if you want. We're not encouraged to get people out of the shop and clear tables for the next customers, we just let people do whatever they want. Within reason, like I'm sure we'd have to say something if some lad began to toss one out in the shop, y'know? But anyway, she's having a little read and the shop's a bit quiet. It's weird how sometimes it's really busy and then other times it's mad chilled out. And it's not even schedualed, it just happens sometimes. Anyway, she's reading and there's not many people there. And we're working away doing whatever we need to do and there's some music on in the background and it's sort of funk / disco type of stuff. It's a playlist Starbucks have anyway. It has that song from the Marmite ad ages ago that everybody knows but knows nothing else about it. And yeah, the music is totally fucking quiet. I mean, if you weren't working there for 3 days with that playlist on repeat all day, you wouldn't even know that there was music being played, let alone know what song it is. Anyway, the music bitch gets up out of her chair and comes over to the bar with a frumpy look on her face. The sort of look a three year old toddler would give to his mam if he didn't get his milkybar yoghurt in this weeks shopping. I fucking want a milkybar yoghurt. Anyway, she comes over to a girl in workcalled Rita, and she's like "Eh, sorry, cold you per chance turn the music down in here? It's as if I'm at a concert..." or something like that. HELLO. NO YOU ARE NOT AT A CONCERT YOU FUCKING DICKJUG. And then she has the cheek to ask Rita "Whatever happened to serenity?". Holy shit. You cannot be fucking SERIOUS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO SERENITY. HANG ON, I'LL RING HIM AND FIND OUT.
For real, people need to shut the fuck up and just drink their coffee.

Malahide > Swords

So I forgot to mention that I'm only doing my training in the Malahide branch (/ franchise?), and then I'm off to the branch (/ franchise? Actually, I don't give a fuck.) in Swords once that opens up. Fair enough, they need staff way more then Malahide, but it's going to take me aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages (when pronouncing, let every "a" last one second.) to get to. Yeah, fucking shit loads of time. Malahide is about 14 minutes from Raheny on the DART, and it takes just over a minute to walk to Starbucks from the station once you get there. The trains are frequent enough, but sometimes you have to get early ones cos there might not be one for ages. So they're actually "sort of frequent" rather than "frequent enough". Anyway, that suits me fine. To get to Swords it's going to take me well over an hour to get there. I'll break it down like this:
  1. I could be waiting on a bus / train into town for anything up to 20 minutes.
  2. It takes about 15 - 20 minutes to get to town once I get on my bus / train.
  3. I could be waiting on a bus to Swords from town for anything up to 20 minutes.
  4. It takes about 30 - 35 minutes to get to Swords once I get on my bus.
Yeah, so that's well over an hour. In fact, that's too fucking long for me to actually be on time every day for work. I'm going to have to start doing mathematical equations based on probability, speed & accelloration, and other nerdy fucking shit just so I won't be running the risk of getting fired FROM A JOB THAT'S PAYING ME MINIMUM FUCKING WAGE ANYWAY. FUCKING CHEERS.

And that's just one reason why I don't want to go. Here's some more.
  1. Chris works in Malahide. We're bezzies and I've only got to work with him for about 2 hours before he went off to the states. He'll be back soon but sure our time is still numbered before we start hanging out less AGAIN due to work. And we'd be working the same fucking job. Shit on a stick, that's fucking ridiculous.
  2. I like these Malahide people. I've formed bonds and shit, probably. The Swords people might be douche bags.
  3. It's in a shopping centre. There's going to be some amount of jerks that will have just been to Dixons or something and they'll be complaing to us because they spilled a half caf half decaf skinny latte with caramel sauce onto their brand new external hard drive. Yo, check it out: I don't give a fuck that you're a total fucking moron who doesn't know that you should keep liquids away from electronic products. Go buy a proper coffee or eat a dick. I'm new and this store has only opened. You're not regular enough to be ordering customs.
  4. Pretty much number 3 except change jerks and morons to knackers and change dixons & electronic products to lifestyle sports & kappa tracksuit bottoms.
  5. It's fucking SWORDS.
But I'm just after checking online there on good old, and it says that there's a new route called the 102 that goes to Swords from Sutton, which is quite close to where I live. Still though, fuck moving.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Ronan Keating

Ronan Keating from Boyzone came in to Starbucks a few days ago. Apparently he's a regular but I'd only been working there about 2 days so I nearly shat myself. His wife was with him, but there's absolutely nothing going on with her, so we'll just forget that she was even there. It's all about Ro-Ro. Anyway, the table he was about to sit at was a tad dirty so he asked my supervisor if he could get someone to give it a little wipe. Anyway, I get called upon to do it and I stroll out with my bio-sanitizer and a blue j-cloth and clean his table like he actually still deserves the star treatment. I did a mean job. When I was done, he goes "Thanks man, I really appreeshshiate that". I thought it was hilarious, because when I was a kid and when Boyzone were popular, I always thought he used to do that "shshsh"-y sound on purpose as a sort of way of saying that it was his signature style or gimmick or whatever. I used to argue with my friends when I was like 6 or 7 that if he was to say a word like "scissors" in real life, he's pronounce it like "scissors", and not "schishursh", BUT HE FUCKING DOES SAY IT LIKE SCHISHURSH!!!! FUCK!
That was fucking awesome.

I wouldn't like to walk it...

So today we had some duder come in and fix the sink. He was old enough, but not past it, nor would he be considered a "has-been". Anyway, straight away I knew he was from up north, so I asked him which part. He told me that he was from Armagh,and I told him that I used to go out with a girl from there, but she moved to Derry so I'd only been to the house in Armagh a few times before they moved and whatnot. He then asked me where about in Armagh she was form, so I said she was from Portglenone, and then he told me I was mistaking Armagh for Antrim. Silly me. So I was like "Ah well sure I'd only been there a few times, it was an easy mistake, not much of a difference" and he was like "Aye, but sure I wouldn't like to walk it". Probably because they're over 100 miles apart or something like that, which is fair enough, I guess. I went on and did a bit more work and then I came back to the sink because I needed to clean some mugs an' shit, but yer man was still there so I couldn't do it. We started talking bullshit for a while again and then he asked me where I was from. I told him I was from Raheny and he was like "Ah that's a fair old distance just to work in a coffee shop...", and I was like "I dunno, it's only about 10 minutes away on the DART, so it suits me grand..." or whatever, and then he said "Aye, but like I said, I wouldn't like to walk it."

I doubt the lazy fucking prick would want to walk anywhere. Jeez. Then he went off and I got to clean my mugs. Yerrrr.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Correction to that lotto bit...

I just whipped open the calculator on my laptop there and did some permutations (I think that's what they're called anyway. The one with the factorials) and the figure it gave me was 1 in 5864443200. I think that's it. It's like you have a selection of 6 numbers from 1 to 45, so you go 45 x 44 x 43 x 42 x 41 x 40 or something like that. I don't know. Fuck it.


My name is Sos and I work in Starbucks. I started working properly on Monday, May 26th. I had like this sort of initiation day on Saturday just gone where I got paid to sign forms and drink free coffee. That was the biz. I don't really have any feelings towards Starbucks at all. Like, it's grand. I thought I'd be mad against it, seeing as I'm proper punx and shit, and we're meant to hate multinats and corporations, but I don't give a fuck. Ideally, I'd win the lotto or something and I wouldn't have to work, but one time in Maths class a few years ago, we did permutations (?) to see how much of a chance anyone has of winning it, and it was like 1 in 4.3 million or something like that. I think. But yeah, I have to work. Like everybody else who hasn't won the lotto yet.
So at the moment, I'm being trained in on the bar with making coffees and stuff like that, but for the most part I just mosey around the shop and see if anyone's finished their drinks, and if they are, I take them into the back for cleaning. The back is kind of small and compact, but it gets the job done. I don't like when a hot wash is done and I have to take all the stuff out because the steam gets you really hot and it's just not that nice. I can make that whipped cream stuff that you put into what I call a gun-can. I call it that because it's like a metal can with a trigger-y thing and when you pull the trigger, whipped cream comes out. I also has this little part that you put gas into to make the gun work. I think. The gas makes a badass sound when you put it in and take it out. It rules. I think I can make a latte as well.
We get free coffees all day I think, or maybe just when we're on our break, but that's still pretty sweet. We get half price off all the foods and 30% off all the impulse buys like after-coffee chewing gum. It's grand. We get paid when we're on our breaks too. Oh, and we also get a free bag of coffee to take home with us each week. I think I might get some lightly spiced Arabian coffee as my first bag. I remember Chris said we could to his house to have some, and it never happened and ever since then I've been mad eager to try some, because it sounds awesome. Chris is one of my best friends in the whole world, and he works there too. He's away at the moment so I've been making friends with some of the other people who work there too. They're all cool. Apparently there's one dude that nobody likes but I haven't been working with him yet.
Our uniform is pretty funny. Because it's summer, we have to wear yellow t-shirts. Normally I'd think that's cool because I'd look like someone on the Brazillian football team, but we also have to wear green aprons, which just make us look like those Loop-the-loop ice creams. Oh well. After summer's over, we go back to wearing black t-shirts, which is class. I love wearing black. I'm wearing a black Blakfish t-shirt right now.
Anyway, this blog is so that I can post some of the class shit that happens in this place because it's like the first job I've had where things actually happen. I used to take naps in the store room of my old job because pretty much nothing ever happened. So yeah, there's a few things that have happened so far, but I'm not going to post them in this entry because I'd prefer to do one entry for each actual thing that happens. Peace out.