Saturday, June 7, 2008

The hottest fucking day.

Was Saturday just gone. Fucking titting hell. And Radiohead were playing another show that night, so the shop was so packed and so busy. And so hot. I was afraid of slipping because my bollocks were sweating so much. Fuck. Anyway, we didn't have another power outage or anything of equal levels of excitement but we a whole load of other stuff happen which might be worth writing about. I got to stare someone down, and it was fucking class. Like I felt so good about myself knowing that he felt like a tit. I was checking the toilets to see if anyone had shat on the walls or anything like that, and because it was a mad hot day and because we were so packed, the queue for the jax was ridiculously long. Anyway I head to the top of the queue and ask the girl if it's alright if I check the toilets to see if the roll needs to be changed and whatnot, and out of nowhere some fucking mongobiscuist goes "Ah here now, don't let him be skipping you..." and straight away I just look at him. The sort of look that asks the questions "Are you for fucking real?", "Do you not realise that I have a brush in my hand?", and "Would you like to repeat that question so I can ram this brush stick down your japper?" all at the same time. And the dude looked like the sharted himself. It was so good. He just stopped smiling and looked at the ground like someone would do if they were getting grilled on some sort of TV show where the presenter just decides to ruin someones buzz. Fuck yeah.
The toilets didn't need to be cleaned.
Something else that happens when the sun comes out, is that pretty much everyone in Malahide comes out into the sun. I've never witnessed a community more responsive to good weather. It's as if they don't have the internet or something. There was literally 200 people in the field accross from our shop just having the buzz in the sun. Pretty much everyone was having a can. I fucking love cans. That was the worst part for me. Some people would come in and buy coffees and sit outside with them and drink a can with their coffee. Fucking badass. Granted, they were probably alllllllll pretentious dickheads who were heading off to the Radiohead gig, but they were still having cans. And I also know how pretentious it is of me to wiriting about my experiences in a coffee shop from a laptop. Get fucked, everybody. Anyway yeah, there was one ridiculously drunk couple that couldn't really speak but still wanted coffee. I think we just gave them whatever whoever on bar wanted to make, which is grand. Anyway, the girl must have been a total headmelter because the dude just got up and left while she was talking. She followed. Bitch forgot her phone. We had to ring her "Mam" in the contact list and get her to collect it. Even though she looked about 20ish, I hope that drunken slut got grounded by her mam for the inconvenience.
Oh, another thing about summer / hot weather... CLEAVAGE. JESUS HOLY MOLY CRAZY DUDE ON A BIKE AH YA FUCKIN NEARLY KILLED ME TYPE OF CLEAVAGE BUZZ GOING ON IN MALAHIDE. For real. We're meant to make eye contact with these ladies but it's actually pretty hard. I know it sounds like bullshit, but when you're serving drinks to women who are most definitely wearing tops like these so they can be scouted for porno or some shit, it's pretty hard not to have a little peak. And before anyone tries to judge me, EVERYONE FUCKING DOES IT. GIRLS INCLUDED. IF YOU DON'T YOU'RE EITHER BLIND OR LYING. Don't want me looking at your jiblets on the sly? Cover up.
But for real, it'd be so good if it was really hot any everyone came out and had the buzz/cans, and then it started lashing rain. Ooh yeah.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

True shit. Even girls look at a nice cleavage (at least I do anyway)..
I like your blog, it's a pretty original idea. The most interesting encounters I have at my job is being yelled at over the phone (I'm a telemarketer, a highly despiced species) which gets really boring with time. Anyway, keep up the good work.